Adventure Girl gets perky
I've never been THAT girl before, you know the one who turns up to the party wearing not much on the outside and even less underneath, the one who makes the guys drool and their girlfriends look like they've been sucking on a lemon (minus the tequila shot).
Recently, at the summons of my current lover, I found myself inadvertently being THAT girl.
We were heading to a party hosted by one of his friends. I was a tad anxious. I never know what to wear, and was extra nervous because I would be meeting some of his friends for the first time and wanted to make a good impression, or at least, the right impression. So when I asked what I should bring and received the reply (knowing I write for this blog): 'Bring Ms Perky ;) Black', I was taken aback.
That could only mean one thing: he wanted me to dress in my little black Ms Perky-style number (otherwise known as my 'tart dress'). Very black. Very short. Very sexy.
I was nowhere near home and had already planned to wear something pretty but sedate. The request was so out of the blue I didn't know what to make of it.
'Are you serious?' I texted back.
'Do your worst,' came the response.
I had no idea what he was playing at, but I also found not knowing tantalising. Well, why not? I thought. It might be an adventure.
I raced off home, slipped into my little black number, pulled on my 'invited intimacy' boots, and made my eyes up to pop. A few finishing secret touches which I texted back (no details, sorry -- a lady never tells), and I was on my way.
When I arrived the party was underway. I stepped inside and saw the reaction. The guys gawped and the girls greased. Looks that made their way down and then back up, and then down again. My lover greeted me and we worked the room, all eyes on us. It was like a role-play.
As I said, I've never been THAT girl before. I loved every minute of it.
Well, almost every minute. Less fun was being introduced to some of his workmates as 'The Puma' with a smack to my arse. These people meant something to him, and therefore to me, which made it harder to slot my role as 'Ms Perky' into the fantasy part of my brain, leaving a slight residue in the 'objectified' part instead.
Still, it was a LOT of fun. VERY outside my comfort zone, and something I can recommend you try at least once (somewhere that doesn't matter, of course). Oh, and if you can, have one secret touch just between you and your lover saved up for later. Then 'do your worst' ;)
-AG
30 August 2010
27 August 2010
A tribute to Rose Buckner, a woman who knew how to get what she wanted
Adventure Girl ventures into the past to learn how to 'Make do and live comfortably', Rose Buckner-style.
'No matter the size of the home, it is the way you plan it that counts. Like me, you may start off in one room. If so, make it snug and comfy, as it will probably be your home for a year or two.'(source: 'Rose Buckner's Book of Homemaking, Odhams Press Limited, London)...'Choose as large and long a room as possible and plan it with a "his" side and a "her" side of the fireplace. At "his" side have a small bookcase with two or three drawers for his own private papers, cigarettes or tobacco, and have the wireless on a small table near his chair, and of course his slippers warming for his return -- how men love this touch of welcome! Let him find his things just where he leaves them. ...Arrange your side with your sewing-table, handy-box and all your odds and ends just where you want them.'...
'A tea-trolley is handy for fireside meals. Set the supper on the trolley, then wheel it up to the fireplace, where the sight of it daintily set will be a pleasant surprise to a tired husband. Have things very appetizing for this meal, and yourself looking smart and pleasant. Men love this cosy supper-time fussing. Keep quiet until he is well fed and well warmed, then ask for what you want -- ten to one you will get it!'
18 August 2010
the look of lust
Rhonda Perky pays homage to the website that aims to please by bringing you the look of being pleased… for real.
Tired of seeing porn stars who look as though they'd rather be hanging out the washing, watching test cricket, or repeatedly stabbing their eyeballs with a fork?
A couple of weeks back a girlfriend and I spent a drunken evening bemoaning the pitiful artificiality – and lack of interest – displayed by your average porn actors: no real build-up, no natural lubrication (didn’t your mother tell you not to spit?), and a sea of faces that look as though they’d rather be anywhere else.
Not particularly panty-dampening, let alone earth-moving.
The following week the same friend sent me a link to Beautiful Agony (for which I owe her a drink or three). Nominated at the Australian Adult Industry Awards as the Best Adult Website (source: Pop Matters), Beautiful Agony’s claim to fame is as a website ‘dedicated to the beauty of human orgasm.’
What I discovered there was a catalogue of ‘money-shots’, only the shots aren't of some over-endowed dude shooting a load over some girl's tits or arse, but the face of each contributor (known as ‘Agonees’) captured during their moment of climax. There is no nudity, no fluids, and no visible interaction, but every single orgasm, we are assured, is genuine.
The site boasts that the videos (all taken from the neck up) ‘were made in private by the contributor (and sometimes their partner). We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's real and it's sexy as hell.'
‘Make your ears blush,’ the site suggests, ‘by putting on your headphones and turning the sound to eleven.’
Well, that’s what I did, and I can assure you, my ears are bright pink.
Beautiful Agony seems to house a curious kind of voyeurism. It’s about what you don’t see as much as what you do. In some ways it reminds me of one of the few truly erotic photographs my father ever produced: a view through a keyhole of a naked woman, only she was a jigsaw puzzle and all of the ‘good bits’ were missing.
Justin Dimos on Pop Matters, writes that what we see on Beautiful Agony is 'real nudity', which he believes ‘comes when a person drops the act, wipes the makeup from their face, doesn’t force a smile, and sure as hell doesn’t dress in disguises, be them emotional or fashionable.’
I’m not sure I found it quite as wow-worthy as Dimos seemed to (the bulk of his review read like a promo), but I do agree ‘the best part about watching the Beautiful Agony videos is the lack of bullshit.’
In an interview with Cherry Trifle for SEXIS what you want it to be, site creator Richard Lawrence was quoted as saying, ‘We get a lot of subscribers who’ve run the whole porn circuit—from softcore to X to hardcore—and wind up at Agony telling us it’s the first time they’ve actually been turned on for years. Most people reach the point where it all gets filed away with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.’
It was also evident from this interview that Lawrence is completely jaded by modern porn. ‘I recently met a woman in her late 20s who told me she didn’t like anal sex, but had been doing it for years because she thought it was expected of all women, just as she’d seen in all the porn DVDs. And isn’t it incredible that not all women like to have five guys come in their face at once?’
And maybe this is where Dimos was coming from in his OTT review. Certainly Lawrence and his partner Lauren Olney (who vets the videos) have found a niche among users tired of navigating the same-same ennui of colour-by-numbers porn. People who are prepared to pay when so much porn these days is free.
Lawrence also argues it isn’t about profit. You won't find pop-ups luring you to dodgy pay-per-views or Russian teens waiting to talk to you, though there is a 'shop' page for merchandise and tools-of-the-trade. The fee, he says, is to pay contributors and cover the costs associated with running the site.
And you’re not just getting access to the 'money-shots' you’re also paying to hear real-life 'Confessions', where Agonees (all ordinary people rather than porn stars) share their most intimate sex stories. Educational and enlightening, though you may never see your dentist, mortgage broker or local butcher in the same way again!
Don't want to pay? Send in your own ‘Agony’. As my friend informed me, Agonees ‘get $200 and free access for a month!’ Now, where did I put my camera?
-RP
Tired of seeing porn stars who look as though they'd rather be hanging out the washing, watching test cricket, or repeatedly stabbing their eyeballs with a fork?
A couple of weeks back a girlfriend and I spent a drunken evening bemoaning the pitiful artificiality – and lack of interest – displayed by your average porn actors: no real build-up, no natural lubrication (didn’t your mother tell you not to spit?), and a sea of faces that look as though they’d rather be anywhere else.
Not particularly panty-dampening, let alone earth-moving.
The following week the same friend sent me a link to Beautiful Agony (for which I owe her a drink or three). Nominated at the Australian Adult Industry Awards as the Best Adult Website (source: Pop Matters), Beautiful Agony’s claim to fame is as a website ‘dedicated to the beauty of human orgasm.’
What I discovered there was a catalogue of ‘money-shots’, only the shots aren't of some over-endowed dude shooting a load over some girl's tits or arse, but the face of each contributor (known as ‘Agonees’) captured during their moment of climax. There is no nudity, no fluids, and no visible interaction, but every single orgasm, we are assured, is genuine.
The site boasts that the videos (all taken from the neck up) ‘were made in private by the contributor (and sometimes their partner). We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's real and it's sexy as hell.'
‘Make your ears blush,’ the site suggests, ‘by putting on your headphones and turning the sound to eleven.’
Well, that’s what I did, and I can assure you, my ears are bright pink.
Beautiful Agony seems to house a curious kind of voyeurism. It’s about what you don’t see as much as what you do. In some ways it reminds me of one of the few truly erotic photographs my father ever produced: a view through a keyhole of a naked woman, only she was a jigsaw puzzle and all of the ‘good bits’ were missing.
Justin Dimos on Pop Matters, writes that what we see on Beautiful Agony is 'real nudity', which he believes ‘comes when a person drops the act, wipes the makeup from their face, doesn’t force a smile, and sure as hell doesn’t dress in disguises, be them emotional or fashionable.’
I’m not sure I found it quite as wow-worthy as Dimos seemed to (the bulk of his review read like a promo), but I do agree ‘the best part about watching the Beautiful Agony videos is the lack of bullshit.’
In an interview with Cherry Trifle for SEXIS what you want it to be, site creator Richard Lawrence was quoted as saying, ‘We get a lot of subscribers who’ve run the whole porn circuit—from softcore to X to hardcore—and wind up at Agony telling us it’s the first time they’ve actually been turned on for years. Most people reach the point where it all gets filed away with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.’
It was also evident from this interview that Lawrence is completely jaded by modern porn. ‘I recently met a woman in her late 20s who told me she didn’t like anal sex, but had been doing it for years because she thought it was expected of all women, just as she’d seen in all the porn DVDs. And isn’t it incredible that not all women like to have five guys come in their face at once?’
And maybe this is where Dimos was coming from in his OTT review. Certainly Lawrence and his partner Lauren Olney (who vets the videos) have found a niche among users tired of navigating the same-same ennui of colour-by-numbers porn. People who are prepared to pay when so much porn these days is free.
Lawrence also argues it isn’t about profit. You won't find pop-ups luring you to dodgy pay-per-views or Russian teens waiting to talk to you, though there is a 'shop' page for merchandise and tools-of-the-trade. The fee, he says, is to pay contributors and cover the costs associated with running the site.
And you’re not just getting access to the 'money-shots' you’re also paying to hear real-life 'Confessions', where Agonees (all ordinary people rather than porn stars) share their most intimate sex stories. Educational and enlightening, though you may never see your dentist, mortgage broker or local butcher in the same way again!
Don't want to pay? Send in your own ‘Agony’. As my friend informed me, Agonees ‘get $200 and free access for a month!’ Now, where did I put my camera?
-RP
06 August 2010
Tappin' the glass
Rhonda Perky visits life's aquarium to find out what makes Tappers tick
You've seen those annoying people at aquariums, the ones who walk up to the glass and tap tap tap, over and over, just to stir up a response? For some people this need finds its way into everyday life. They can’t seem to help themselves, tap tap tapping away oustide the glass cage of a relationship.
Tappers can be found in various forms. A typical manifestation is the Blonde Coquette who bangs on about how much she loves banging to her male co-worker. He hasn't seen the other side of his wife's flannelette nightie since Christmas 1993.
Then there’s the Insincere Ingénue who claims she can't get enough of going down to the guy whose girlfriend thinks it's 'gross', all the while watching him salivate, eyes alight.
See also the Single Sister, whose tap is a boast about how much she loves anal. This one tends to tap at her sibling’s partner or girlfriends’ husbands.
Tap tap tap.
In its least sinister form, Tappin' the Glass can be a fun game for you and your partner (if you have one). An innocent tap here and there can help prop up your ego (and theirs).
How to play:
You've seen those annoying people at aquariums, the ones who walk up to the glass and tap tap tap, over and over, just to stir up a response? For some people this need finds its way into everyday life. They can’t seem to help themselves, tap tap tapping away oustide the glass cage of a relationship.
Tappers can be found in various forms. A typical manifestation is the Blonde Coquette who bangs on about how much she loves banging to her male co-worker. He hasn't seen the other side of his wife's flannelette nightie since Christmas 1993.
Then there’s the Insincere Ingénue who claims she can't get enough of going down to the guy whose girlfriend thinks it's 'gross', all the while watching him salivate, eyes alight.
See also the Single Sister, whose tap is a boast about how much she loves anal. This one tends to tap at her sibling’s partner or girlfriends’ husbands.
Tap tap tap.
In its least sinister form, Tappin' the Glass can be a fun game for you and your partner (if you have one). An innocent tap here and there can help prop up your ego (and theirs).
How to play:
- Find your location – anywhere Miserable Marrieds go. I’ve found the best spots to be shopping malls in Boganburbia, the local family bistro, a Saturday morning at Bunnings, or a Thursday night at Ikea.
- Spot your targets – prime exhibits include the Nagger and the Whipped, or the Heffer and her Frog.
- Tap away – if you're with your other half, take one each, and start making eyes.
Tap tap tap.
At first your targets will startle: Is he/she really looking at me? Then watch the body language change. For her, a flick of the hair, her hips tilting, tits perking. She'll try to pretend she doesn't keep looking back. His voice will begin to boom, one hand on his hip, the other gesticulating at the merchandise, all knowledgeable: a sudden expert on the two-by-four or the circular saw.
This glass tapping is a win-win encounter. You (and your partner) ride the satisfaction from your tapping getting a response, while your target(s) go home and shag themselves silly with rekindled belief in their pulling power.
Caution:
If played with the wrong types, tapping can quickly escalate from an innocuous ego prop, posing a genuine risk to the Tapper or their Target.
Take the Turtle-Tapper. Typically a coupled-up woman who keeps a constant Backup-Boy (the ‘turtle’). She would never actually go there, so she picks the safest terrarium she can find. Behind the double-glazing is someone older, someone uglier, sometimes single, oftentimes not. This tap is all about security. The Turtle-Tapper needs to know she has options.
The loser in this situation is the Turtle. By the time he makes it to the glass, the Turtle-Tapper is supervising her husband building their new deck, while he is left standing, possibly with an abandoned wife, beating his head against the inside wall.
In its most dangerous form, Tappers turn into Breakers. Having the target look their way and contemplate isn’t enough to sustain these damaged egos, so Breakers head straight for the Python enclosure, find the glass that is fragile and cracked, and tap tap tap, until finally it breaks.
Breakers are your archetypal Commitment-Phobes. They can't settle in a relationship with someone who is actually free to want them. It's far too risky. So Breakers take satisfaction from knowing they can tempt someone away from their partner without the risk of real rejection. The target is not free to choose, so they can never not choose them.
To the Python, Breakers seem like good-time girls, but at their core they are the most destructive. They won’t just set the Pythons free, they will use their toxic venom to bite back, then swiftly move on to the next cage.
Conclusion:
If you do choose to visit the life's aquarium, be sure to play safely and tamely. An innocent tap here and there can certainly provide a mutual ego boost, but you don't want to find yourself being someone's Turtle, unleashing a Python, or ending up a victim to a Breakers bite.
-RP
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