If one Friday night you find yourself trapped in a room with free alcohol, some dodgy dance music and three quarters of your workmates, under no circumstances should you:
- let anyone over 35 or under 25 commandeer the jukebox
- dance around one or more poles
- hit on the boss
- hit on the boss's partner
- hit on anyone
- respond to anyone hitting on you
- drink without eating a proportionate amount of food
- drink while tired
- drink beyond 'happy'
- mouth off about your boss, your boss's partner, or any co-workers
- take bets on who will end up in the most inappropriate or unlikely pash
- offer to take a hit to win said bet
- take said hit
- position yourself anywhere near the designated party photographer
- position yourself anywhere near a camera
- call or text your partner (who is not at said party)
- 'kick on' afterwards
- venture into a quiet corner with anyone as sloshed as you
- find yourself in a position which might result in a walk-of-shame
- do a walk-of-shame
In fact if you want to hold your head up and meet everyone's eyes on Monday morning, the best thing you can do is eat, have one or two drinks, circulate with a quiet smile, then take that cab voucher straight to Boganburbia - do not pass go, do not collect $200.
-AG
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