Will she love it, will she freak, or will she just hate that you have better legs?
As a straight guy, the idea of cross-dressing has always interested me. There’s something very tempting about the thought of sliding into some soft silky girly undies. In fact the thought of that flimsy material straining against my package and fishnets hugging my calves and thighs makes me positively shudder with delight and go weak at the knees…
(Ok, ok, putting my brain back online).
We now all know that I like it, maybe you like it too, but will she like it?
Perhaps if she’s a little dominant, the thought of you emasculated like that will be a turn on (maybe that’s why you like it). Maybe she’s vanilla and will freak out, running away, sobbing and screaming. Or maybe, just maybe, she’ll be jealous because you look much sexier in a garter belt than she does.
Putting all of those ifs aside, let’s assume you’re prepared to take the risk and give it a try, hoping against hope that she isn’t as vanilla as she seems (after all you can have vanilla all your life; why not sample some of the other flavours before you die?)
First you need to work out what to wear (decisions, decisions… I’m sure that cellulite wasn’t there this morning…) Do you secretly borrow some of her stuff and surprise her? (If so, avoid the expensive designer ones as you will most likely stretch them beyond repair.) Do you go to a lingerie shop in your local shopping centre and enjoy the speculative glances from the sales assistant when you ask for something for your girlfriend who’s about your size, and oh incidentally does this colour go with my eyes…? Or do you head to a sex shop, where (assuming you choose the right one) you will get lots of help, be able to try most things on, and find a range of absolutely delish corsets – uh, I mean, find some really great stuff.
Actually, let’s take a step back. Before you get to what to wear (the fun part) you might like to sound your partner out. The last thing you want is for the poor girl to walk in on you unexpectedly wearing her undies and makeup.* If it was me, I would talk to her on a quiet evening at home, perhaps after a glass or two of red to relax (her, not you – you need all your wits about you), share your fantasies, and find out what turns her on. I’d gently open with how hot you think her undies are and how you’ve always been curious about what they would look/feel like on. If she’s not vanilla she may suggest you try some on as a joke. This is the crucial point. If you agree and she doesn’t freak, you know it’s ok to start suggesting where to get stuff; if she does freak, you can always pass it off as a joke (preserving your poor bruised ego).
Say you do end up trying things on. Be honest and tell her how it makes you feel (sexy is a good adjective here). If she’s understanding, the fact that you so obviously enjoy it should make her much more open to the idea.
And it that goes well, you could even go shopping together.** And if it doesn’t… well, you live and you learn.
Above all, have fun exploring.
--Tiger
*Under no circumstances should you start giving her tips. Even the most reasonable and understanding girlfriend may lose her shit at that point.
**Make sure you both get something sexy; it’s no fun if she doesn’t get spoilt a little as well, and who knows, you might get matching colours.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
08 November 2010
11 October 2010
'Six months in a leaky boat'
Adventure Girl learns how to swim
So you’re in this relationship, and it’s had a bit of a rocky start, travelled some rough seas, but finally you’ve reached calmer waters, and you can see land up ahead.
In real terms, this is the point where you know you love them, and they love you back. They say it and they show it and you feel it. You’re floating, and it’s thrilling, and it’s peaceful. Then BAM.
The storm.
Out of nowhere you’re throwing a 15-year-old tantrum, all the while aching for them to hold you, to reassure you, to carry you to shore.
Of course they don’t. You’re behaving like a child.
It gets worse. You panic. You’re grasping. You don’t just want to be rescued; you’re drowning and feel like you can’t get to the shore without them.
But they pull away. If you’re lucky they offer you a life-raft, but most times they’re reaching for one for themselves.
‘See?’ you tell yourself. They don’t love you, not really.
The storm might come in the form of that nagging thing they once told you that still doesn’t quite add up, or yet another text message from the Ghost of Shaggers’ Past. You ask AGAIN for an explanation, you want to know AGAIN why she is texting him. Not, as he supposes, to find the worst in him, to prove that he’s lying, cheating, but to be reassured that he’s not.
It’s a test not of him, but of his love for you. You’re looking for cracks and testing if the boat is watertight.
Because can he really love you? I mean, REALLY? Love YOU? Doesn’t he know who you are underneath it all? Won’t he run screaming when he finally discovers the truth, when he finally sees who YOU are?
So you push and you squeeze and you test, but it’s not about not trusting him, it’s about not believing in you.
If you think of the relationship as like being on a leaky boat, you see yourself running around trying to plug and test every last hole. But when you test the holes, you put more pressure on them, and most times make them bigger. Do it too often and chances are there will be so many holes the ship will sink.
The other part of you, the secret part, doesn’t just test the holes that are already there. This part wants to be sure that the boat can withstand an attack. This part steers the ship into the storm instead of away from it, to see if you can weather it, and punches new holes to see if together you can plug them up and keep afloat. Eventually, if you punch enough holes, or steer into enough storms, you’ll both be grasping for life rafts.
Deep down, you know where the fear comes from, a history of sunken boats as long as the Shipwreck Coast. Too many people have been in love with you, but not loved you. Because they didn’t know you, didn’t see you. They saw an idea of you. You felt like a fraud and it never worked out. Because the more they tried to love you, the more you were convinced that they didn’t. Or rather, couldn’t. Because they never saw who you really were. Never saw the rocks beneath the surface until you rammed your boat into them.
But now you’ve found someone different. Someone who sees, who knows. Who has seen your flaws, and still loves, just as you have seen his. He can even tease you about them and make you laugh at yourself. This time you want it to be different. You want to BE different.
You’ve learned your lesson.
Instead of trying to plug and test every possible gap, instead of punching new holes, you will try to accept that nothing is watertight, that the ship can have a few cracks in it, and still stay afloat.
Because even if you do manage to seal the boat completely, there’s no guarantee it won’t one day break down. The motor could simply run out of steam.
And if it does? You might be battered by the sea and swallow water until you choke, but you will make it onto shore. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. And again. And again. You have a life raft, and a vest, and you know how to swim.
-AG
So you’re in this relationship, and it’s had a bit of a rocky start, travelled some rough seas, but finally you’ve reached calmer waters, and you can see land up ahead.
In real terms, this is the point where you know you love them, and they love you back. They say it and they show it and you feel it. You’re floating, and it’s thrilling, and it’s peaceful. Then BAM.
The storm.
Out of nowhere you’re throwing a 15-year-old tantrum, all the while aching for them to hold you, to reassure you, to carry you to shore.
Of course they don’t. You’re behaving like a child.
It gets worse. You panic. You’re grasping. You don’t just want to be rescued; you’re drowning and feel like you can’t get to the shore without them.
But they pull away. If you’re lucky they offer you a life-raft, but most times they’re reaching for one for themselves.
‘See?’ you tell yourself. They don’t love you, not really.
The storm might come in the form of that nagging thing they once told you that still doesn’t quite add up, or yet another text message from the Ghost of Shaggers’ Past. You ask AGAIN for an explanation, you want to know AGAIN why she is texting him. Not, as he supposes, to find the worst in him, to prove that he’s lying, cheating, but to be reassured that he’s not.
It’s a test not of him, but of his love for you. You’re looking for cracks and testing if the boat is watertight.
Because can he really love you? I mean, REALLY? Love YOU? Doesn’t he know who you are underneath it all? Won’t he run screaming when he finally discovers the truth, when he finally sees who YOU are?
So you push and you squeeze and you test, but it’s not about not trusting him, it’s about not believing in you.
If you think of the relationship as like being on a leaky boat, you see yourself running around trying to plug and test every last hole. But when you test the holes, you put more pressure on them, and most times make them bigger. Do it too often and chances are there will be so many holes the ship will sink.
The other part of you, the secret part, doesn’t just test the holes that are already there. This part wants to be sure that the boat can withstand an attack. This part steers the ship into the storm instead of away from it, to see if you can weather it, and punches new holes to see if together you can plug them up and keep afloat. Eventually, if you punch enough holes, or steer into enough storms, you’ll both be grasping for life rafts.
Deep down, you know where the fear comes from, a history of sunken boats as long as the Shipwreck Coast. Too many people have been in love with you, but not loved you. Because they didn’t know you, didn’t see you. They saw an idea of you. You felt like a fraud and it never worked out. Because the more they tried to love you, the more you were convinced that they didn’t. Or rather, couldn’t. Because they never saw who you really were. Never saw the rocks beneath the surface until you rammed your boat into them.
But now you’ve found someone different. Someone who sees, who knows. Who has seen your flaws, and still loves, just as you have seen his. He can even tease you about them and make you laugh at yourself. This time you want it to be different. You want to BE different.
You’ve learned your lesson.
Instead of trying to plug and test every possible gap, instead of punching new holes, you will try to accept that nothing is watertight, that the ship can have a few cracks in it, and still stay afloat.
Because even if you do manage to seal the boat completely, there’s no guarantee it won’t one day break down. The motor could simply run out of steam.
And if it does? You might be battered by the sea and swallow water until you choke, but you will make it onto shore. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. And again. And again. You have a life raft, and a vest, and you know how to swim.
-AG
07 October 2010
Soul-Sucking Demons
Mad Julie exorcises her right to a demon-free workplace
So what do you do if you are stuck working with soul-sucking demons?
Well let me tell you my little tale of what I have tried, tested, and scratched out… before finally happening upon a very sophisticated means of revenge…
1. Drink Lots!!!!
Problem – numbness only lasts for 3-6 months and there are sober periods… hmmm….
2. Eat lots of Chocolate and Comfort Food for Emotional Recovery!!!
Problem – ummm 5 plus kilos later… hmmm….
3. Shopping Therapy?
Problem – the pay cheque doesn’t last as long as it used to… and then can't afford as much booze… hmmm...
4. Exercise out the demon toxins
Problem – hard to outrun them when stuck in a meeting… hmmm…
5. Hide!!!
Problem – they HUNT you down and CALL you… Hmmm…
6. Look for a new team to join?
Problem – you find MORE soul-sucking demons and the old ones STILL HUNT you down!!! HORROR!!!!
7. Take Sickies?
Problem – they ARE STILL THERE when you return!!!
8. Take a positive approach and try to get to know them better?
Problem – you discover these demons come from the LOWER LEVELS of HELL… hmmm… what now?
And nope, am already spacing out the drinking, chocolate, shopping, sickies, hiding and occasional bits of other toxins… and I refuse to join the demon ranks!!!!
9. Have a life? Hmmm… but what type?
You interact more with the nicer demons and discover they had angelic mothers;
...you smile and laugh lots and the soul-sucking demons become uglier with their jealousy to all (you are now not alone);
...you now look like a catwalk queen with all the exercise and shopping, while they favour bag-lady-esque fashion (YEAH);
...and you are fairly popular going to all the latest shows, movies and bars around town… the laughter is your ammunition… (UH HUH!!!)
...meanwhile… the soul-sucking demons are withering in their bitterness and becoming fat and dumpy with new wrinkles and white hairs appearing by the hour… AND they are LOSING their hold… slowly their suckers are dying… and so is their poison…
10. SOLUTION – REPEAT POINT 9 TIL THEIR ASHES HAVE BEEN CAST…
So what do you do if you are stuck working with soul-sucking demons?
Well let me tell you my little tale of what I have tried, tested, and scratched out… before finally happening upon a very sophisticated means of revenge…
1. Drink Lots!!!!
Problem – numbness only lasts for 3-6 months and there are sober periods… hmmm….
2. Eat lots of Chocolate and Comfort Food for Emotional Recovery!!!
Problem – ummm 5 plus kilos later… hmmm….
3. Shopping Therapy?
Problem – the pay cheque doesn’t last as long as it used to… and then can't afford as much booze… hmmm...
4. Exercise out the demon toxins
Problem – hard to outrun them when stuck in a meeting… hmmm…
5. Hide!!!
Problem – they HUNT you down and CALL you… Hmmm…
6. Look for a new team to join?
Problem – you find MORE soul-sucking demons and the old ones STILL HUNT you down!!! HORROR!!!!
7. Take Sickies?
Problem – they ARE STILL THERE when you return!!!
8. Take a positive approach and try to get to know them better?
Problem – you discover these demons come from the LOWER LEVELS of HELL… hmmm… what now?
And nope, am already spacing out the drinking, chocolate, shopping, sickies, hiding and occasional bits of other toxins… and I refuse to join the demon ranks!!!!
9. Have a life? Hmmm… but what type?
You interact more with the nicer demons and discover they had angelic mothers;
...you smile and laugh lots and the soul-sucking demons become uglier with their jealousy to all (you are now not alone);
...you now look like a catwalk queen with all the exercise and shopping, while they favour bag-lady-esque fashion (YEAH);
...and you are fairly popular going to all the latest shows, movies and bars around town… the laughter is your ammunition… (UH HUH!!!)
...meanwhile… the soul-sucking demons are withering in their bitterness and becoming fat and dumpy with new wrinkles and white hairs appearing by the hour… AND they are LOSING their hold… slowly their suckers are dying… and so is their poison…
10. SOLUTION – REPEAT POINT 9 TIL THEIR ASHES HAVE BEEN CAST…
10 September 2010
'Happily Ever... Before and After'
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08 July 2010
the world according to Mad Julie
Mad Julie on...
working in an open plan office
...put up mirrors around your desk to see who is coming around the corner... then strategically jump under your desk and pull your chair in!
...get a bean bag... don’t fill it... place it under your desk or corner of your pod... and jump inside when pesky colleague/client/boss appears.
avoiding social occasions
...it’s totally the right day to pike :)
...do you need to physically be there or mentally? with or without attitude be there? or can you tell them that you will astrally project yourself there? then if it doesn’t work, it wasn’t your fault.
...pretend you have developed multiple personality disorder and today’s personality 'Margie' believes that she has baseball 2nite so can’t do dinner.
the midweek blues
...i'm struggling today and my head is woolly and overloaded.... maybe after my last meeting for the day i just skedaddle and crash on my couch.
...its sad but true - already over tuesday..... and in need of a glass of wine.... make that 2 gallons of booze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
negative horoscope readings
...ignore it and just follow your path.... blissfully....
family
...hide from them!
rhonda perky
...when rhonda perky's closet door opens up unparalleled levels of evil spill out!!! remember pandora - well guess who taught her???
-MJ
working in an open plan office
...put up mirrors around your desk to see who is coming around the corner... then strategically jump under your desk and pull your chair in!
...get a bean bag... don’t fill it... place it under your desk or corner of your pod... and jump inside when pesky colleague/client/boss appears.
avoiding social occasions
...it’s totally the right day to pike :)
...do you need to physically be there or mentally? with or without attitude be there? or can you tell them that you will astrally project yourself there? then if it doesn’t work, it wasn’t your fault.
...pretend you have developed multiple personality disorder and today’s personality 'Margie' believes that she has baseball 2nite so can’t do dinner.
the midweek blues
...i'm struggling today and my head is woolly and overloaded.... maybe after my last meeting for the day i just skedaddle and crash on my couch.
...its sad but true - already over tuesday..... and in need of a glass of wine.... make that 2 gallons of booze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
negative horoscope readings
...ignore it and just follow your path.... blissfully....
family
...hide from them!
rhonda perky
...when rhonda perky's closet door opens up unparalleled levels of evil spill out!!! remember pandora - well guess who taught her???
-MJ
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